“Can you imagine yourself in 10 years if, instead of avoiding the things you know you should do, you actually did them every single day? That’s powerful.”
Procrastination will kill you faster than a natural death, I know I’m a master procrastinator,
I put off things for weeks/months, I started editing a book and saw a note I left in it that said its Feb 2020 at the time of editing, 8 months later still not done
I could be in a lot better shape, I could be a lot smarter, I might even still be in a relationship if I did the stuff I knew I should.
We need to snap out of this distraction mentality Because it stops us from living.
Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with since about 2017 before that I had been in a couple of long term relationships since I was 18 so it never affected me being an introvert and all that.
I’ve always had a small circle of friends plus my relationships so I had always been great.
As I got older my already small social circle shrunk but I was never really fussed because I was in a relationship.
But around some point in 2016
I had started working nights and on festivals too, so I was away from home all summer and then worked nights all winter (80+ hours per week.)
My relationship fell to pieces, I think the final straw was when I didn’t have the energy to go and see my ex on a rare day off so I ignored her messages, but later that evening my mother invited me out for dinner and I said yeah…
The kicker my mom tagged us on Facebook even though I had said I had just woke up to my ex.
I know I was a dick.
Through everything away for work.
By this point I was just working, working, working.
I had zero friends and now I was single too, I was working so much I hadn’t even seen my mother for a week at one point and we live in the same house.
I was well and truly alone. I worked alone, I might aswell have lived alone and my phone never got any messages.
Working in a small reception area at night as well just compounded this lonely feeling.
That was the first time I had ever felt lonely and I hated it.
Luckily for me it didn’t last too long the first time round,
I hired a personal trainer, who became my best mate and now buisness partner.
I had been to Cyprus alone where I managed to socialize on a couple of excursions and met a women in a bar (the first time in my life that has ever happened.) Then managed to have a short term relationship with a girl from the gym.
Loneliness wasn’t an issue after that, I was as this blog is titled Leveling Up My Life.
I was in the best shape of my life, I had started two buisness in the space of 2 months (after being evicted earlier that year (2018 I think.))
Even me and my ex of 4 years got back together for a while and went on a few holidays.
Flash forward to today, I’m sat on a balcony in rome at 23:00 drinking alone.
Well I would blame covid but really I’m at fault.
I talk about Leveling up life, but one area I have failed at is building relationships and connections.
Even though I had started two businesses I had stayed working full time in various jobs over the years because well buisness is hard and we needed cashflow.
Anyway January this year I had enough of working as a property manager in an estate agents so I worked my months notice to go work in my gym – Titan Strength Academy, as a personal trainer.
March comes and I had quit my job so I decided to go to spain for a week (me and my ex had just broken up again.)
The trip to spain was to well get uncomfortable and meet new people and do a little bit of travelling before going fully self employed.
This year was supposed be hard work, building on the businesses.
So I get there and the place is empty, everywhere was closed and I hated most of it.
When I got back in the U.K, a week later we went into lockdown.
And probably a week after that we made the call to close the game down.
Personal Training was supposed to be a way to connect with and help people,, I would have been around people day…
It’s kind of in the job title- Personal Trainer.
So during lockdown obviously I had no connection to anyone outside my household and those lonely thoughts kept creeping in.
I tried online dating, tinder and hinge but I am worse at online dating than making connections in person.
I messaged one girl and her reply was – Haha.
The others just unmatched or didn’t respond which was a little nicer I guess.
I’ve always built relationships by being in groups and chipping in to the conversation every now and then, I’m really bad at Initiating and keeping it flowing (unless i click with someone.)
When me and my younger brother went to rome in August this year I was amazed and kind of jealous at how easy he could approach people and start a conversation,
We met some pretty cool people because of him.
My issue is I’ve never had any reps in that department, as I said earlier I was always in a long term relationship so I’ve never really had to approach people and make new connections.
And now my best friend is also my business partner and he is practically married with 2 kids and lives an hour and a half away from me, so even if he was going to be my wingman, it would take a hell of a lot of planning.
My plan was to travel Italy for a couple of weeks and stay in hostels to connect but the uk is on the verge of a second lockdown so I bottled that and just went for 4 nights and stayed in a hotel instead (since I had the time off work.)
The highlight of this was having a meal for one by the Colosseum and Akon Lonely comes out of the speakers.
Yup I feel ya Akon!
Anyway the purpose of this post if you’ve read this far is to
1. Get these feelings off my chest since I have no one to talk to and
2. Be accountable for what my plan is to counteract this since I talk the game of Leveling up.
So here is my plan
1. After I’ve finished writing my ebook on depression (it’s taken well longer than expected) I’m going to find a coach who trains people how to talk and build connections with people since this is by far my weakest link and obviously implement what I’ve learnt.
2. After covid I managed to get a job in security but it’s not very fulfilling in terms of what I think my life purpose is so I’m also going to finish some course off and build a PT program around them and start really driving on the health and fitness side of things (on this blog too)
Once I’ve built a decent following and got some clients there is a couple of other courses I want to do,.including life coaching.
3. My business have been kind of neglected since covid so I need to put some time into them and build on them between now and the new year, point 2 will help with that.
So that’s my plan, I feel better already getting this off my chest, well that is until I see a beautiful girl in rome that I wouldn’t have the slightest clue how to talk to tomorrow haha.
One of the easiest ways to truly get to know someone is to get in a car with them
How to they behave on the road,
Jade Teta calls it ‘The gap method’ (or something like that)
Do they let other drivers merge or do they close the gap so that they can get a little further ahead
Do they shout and swear at other drivers for holding them up, start tailgating and acting like an utter asshole
There’s a good indicator that these behaviours would show up somewhere else in there life
Imagine if your walking down the street with this person and someone walks in front of them and they get right up behind the Walker and start swearing at them
It’s not acceptable on the street, it’s not acceptable in a car
If someone’s not willing to help another driver and let them merge because it may hold them up by 10 seconds
Then are they going to help another progress at work or help you somewhere in your life at the risk of holding themselves up
I used to be the road raging asshole, I always ended up stopped at the same traffic lights.
Help one and another
Walk on road, hm?
Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later…get squish just like grape.
Or as Yoda says, Do or do not there is no try
It doesn’t matter what we do in life, we just need to commit to it
I’ll try, or I’ll guess I’ll give it ago, yeah maybe… whatever it is that your not fully committed to isn’t worth attempting as it’s just a waste of precious time
I’ll try and quit smoking, I’ll give that diet ago,
You already know after a couple of meals your not going to stick at it
This is true for everything in life, left or right, just make a decision and get out of the road
What Stands in the way, becomes the way
Sometimes we get that obstacle, that effects your whole life for the rest of it
This obstacle could be like a bad chapter (see yesterday’s post)
Or it could just be another chapter in a great story
Recently I’ve been diagnosed with Asthma, Now I could let this hold me back and stop me from doing things and use it as an excuse
Or now that I know what I have, i can learn how to manage it and then excel, maybe not the way I would have liked but since it stands in the way
It has become the way
Obstacles are not dead ends
Unless you let them