Tag: adaptation

Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with since about 2017 before that I had been in a couple of long term relationships since I was 18 so it never affected me being an introvert and all that.

I’ve always had a small circle of friends plus my relationships so I had always been great.

As I got older my already small social circle shrunk but I was never really fussed because I was in a relationship.

But around some point in 2016

I had started working nights and on festivals too, so I was away from home all summer and then worked nights all winter (80+ hours per week.)

My relationship fell to pieces, I think the final straw was when I didn’t have the energy to go and see my ex on a rare day off so I ignored her messages, but later that evening my mother invited me out for dinner and I said yeah…

The kicker my mom tagged us on Facebook even though I had said I had just woke up to my ex.

I know I was a dick.

Through everything away for work.

By this point I was just working, working, working.

I had zero friends and now I was single too, I was working so much I hadn’t even seen my mother for a week at one point and we live in the same house.

I was well and truly alone. I worked alone, I might aswell have lived alone and my phone never got any messages.

Working in a small reception area at night as well just compounded this lonely feeling.

That was the first time I had ever felt lonely and I hated it.

Luckily for me it didn’t last too long the first time round,

I hired a personal trainer, who became my best mate and now buisness partner.

I had been to Cyprus alone where I managed to socialize on a couple of excursions and met a women in a bar (the first time in my life that has ever happened.) Then managed to have a short term relationship with a girl from the gym.

Loneliness wasn’t an issue after that, I was as this blog is titled Leveling Up My Life.

I was in the best shape of my life, I had started two buisness in the space of 2 months (after being evicted earlier that year (2018 I think.))

Even me and my ex of 4 years got back together for a while and went on a few holidays.

Flash forward to today, I’m sat on a balcony in rome at 23:00 drinking alone.

What happened.

Well I would blame covid but really I’m at fault.

I talk about Leveling up life, but one area I have failed at is building relationships and connections.

Even though I had started two businesses I had stayed working full time in various jobs over the years because well buisness is hard and we needed cashflow.

Anyway January this year I had enough of working as a property manager in an estate agents so I worked my months notice to go work in my gym – Titan Strength Academy, as a personal trainer.

March comes and I had quit my job so I decided to go to spain for a week (me and my ex had just broken up again.)

The trip to spain was to well get uncomfortable and meet new people and do a little bit of travelling before going fully self employed.

This year was supposed be hard work, building on the businesses.

So I get there and the place is empty, everywhere was closed and I hated most of it.

When I got back in the U.K, a week later we went into lockdown.

And probably a week after that we made the call to close the game down.

Personal Training was supposed to be a way to connect with and help people,, I would have been around people day…

It’s kind of in the job title- Personal Trainer.

So during lockdown obviously I had no connection to anyone outside my household and those lonely thoughts kept creeping in.

I tried online dating, tinder and hinge but I am worse at online dating than making connections in person.

I messaged one girl and her reply was – Haha.

Ouch.

The others just unmatched or didn’t respond which was a little nicer I guess.

I’ve always built relationships by being in groups and chipping in to the conversation every now and then, I’m really bad at Initiating and keeping it flowing (unless i click with someone.)

When me and my younger brother went to rome in August this year I was amazed and kind of jealous at how easy he could approach people and start a conversation,

We met some pretty cool people because of him.

My issue is I’ve never had any reps in that department, as I said earlier I was always in a long term relationship so I’ve never really had to approach people and make new connections.

And now my best friend is also my business partner and he is practically married with 2 kids and lives an hour and a half away from me, so even if he was going to be my wingman, it would take a hell of a lot of planning.

My plan was to travel Italy for a couple of weeks and stay in hostels to connect but the uk is on the verge of a second lockdown so I bottled that and just went for 4 nights and stayed in a hotel instead (since I had the time off work.)

The highlight of this was having a meal for one by the Colosseum and Akon Lonely comes out of the speakers.

Yup I feel ya Akon!

Anyway the purpose of this post if you’ve read this far is to

1. Get these feelings off my chest since I have no one to talk to and

2. Be accountable for what my plan is to counteract this since I talk the game of Leveling up.

So here is my plan

1. After I’ve finished writing my ebook on depression (it’s taken well longer than expected) I’m going to find a coach who trains people how to talk and build connections with people since this is by far my weakest link and obviously implement what I’ve learnt.

2. After covid I managed to get a job in security but it’s not very fulfilling in terms of what I think my life purpose is so I’m also going to finish some course off and build a PT program around them and start really driving on the health and fitness side of things (on this blog too)

Once I’ve built a decent following and got some clients there is a couple of other courses I want to do,.including life coaching.

3. My business have been kind of neglected since covid so I need to put some time into them and build on them between now and the new year, point 2 will help with that.

So that’s my plan, I feel better already getting this off my chest, well that is until I see a beautiful girl in rome that I wouldn’t have the slightest clue how to talk to tomorrow haha.