It’s 2:38 am January 1st as I Write this…

Happy New Year and all that ay.

Just reflecting back on my past year and observing my biggest flaws of the year… Procrastination and Fear…

Fear of rejection more specifically – which leads to procrastination and then I get stuck in this f*cked up roundabout with no exits going back and forth with procrastinating on what I have to do and then start building this Fear of rejection or whatever else lies beyond the realms of the Unknown…

So as I’m sat in my room on New Years eve listening to my neighbours have some fucked up Kariokie party…

I say Kariokie what I meant was a bunch of souls trying to escape their bodies via there voicebox…

Jeeze I wanted to headbutt the wall but that would only bring me closer to the noise, causing more pain than the headbutt…

anyways im rambling… So im on Instagram and this girl who/whom (<< Whichever one is correct) I used to know uploads a pic to Instagram (she’s pretty hot)

I had already decided that this year I’m going to challenge and grow from my biggest weaknesses – Why not start off strong and ask her out…

So I did but before I got to the exit of ‘Send Message’ I ended up on that frigging roundabout.

My heart starts beating like I’ve just done some exercise or dropped a Pizza and I start sweating (Midnight in January England… It’s friggin freezing) and here I am sweating…

Why?

Like What is this Fear?

I know its bullshit, I know its made up, I know that the worst thing is that she says no (Or Yes then I have to actually spend money haha.)

The outcome won’t kill me or harm me – (Sure it might feel like I got kicked in the balls if she says no but…)

Anyway long story short I hit send.. Throw my phone on the desk and run downstairs to procrastinate.

Its now like 2-3 hours after I’ve sent it I have a blue blinking notification on my phone that I’m too chicken too open even though I know the worst thing that could happen is an Imaginary kick to the balls.

I’m eventually going to have to open it or throw my phone out…

Like seriously though any of my 3 readers happen to be a phycologist that can explain this imaginary fear?

I’m interested and it will also give me an excuse to not look at my phone haha…

(If you also haven’t figured out me writing this is Procrastination… I’m off to a good start :/)

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