Lately I’ve been stuck in my head. Feeling Down, Frustrated & The same time Though I’ve been excited, Positive and Looking forward to the next phase of my Life Working on two different business ventures & plans to grow my Personal Brand (Currently just this blog) Into a business as well.
I just could not figure out why I keep going through these low spells
It’s a Battle of two Minds in one head. I feel exhausted, Stressed and Overwhelmed just by trying to manage my thoughts.
Its exhausting because my negative thoughts are more subconscious therefore when Im not actively thinking Im dropping into this negative mind state and then I consciously start to think about the negative thoughts and like money and debt they compound.
Right now I have to actively catch these thoughts and really focus on turning them around into Positive thoughts, After the negativity has compounded this is a workout to turn it around.
Compounding – ‘To add to or intensify’
Have you ever noticed when you think about one thing say debt or That phone call you have to make, and you would just rather bury your head in the sand and hope the tide comes and fills up the hole your hiding in so you don’t have to face reality. Then the more you think about that situation the more intense it gets and the worse you feel about that situation even though that it might never happen.
As those thoughts and feelings intensify and compound other areas in your life start to get affected as well, And yes they add to or intensify the situation too.
For example your stressed with work, you finish work and your still thinking about work so on your commute home this negative energy is attracting more negative things like traffic or that creepy dude who stinks sits next you on the bus (Which was late) and wont stop trying to talk to you, You then start thinking why does nothing good ever happen to me.. You start thinking more intensely about your day/week your negative thoughts are compounding faster than Warren Buffets interest and then Bam! you get home and your partner hasn’t done the dishes and you flip, Now your negativity has affected your relationship which is also playing on your mind now as well as the thoughts of going to work the next day..
You see how one thought or bad thing can compound.. Imagine this every day of your life.. I think I speak for everyone when I say..
Get In Your Head – Your Dead – Tony Robbins
I spent 2017 improving my health, Developing mental discipline, Reading books, Watching seminars and webinars on Personal development and ultimately growing and becoming A next level human (Concept stole from JadeTeta.com)
I would like to say I grew like 1000% from the start of the year to the end, I had been on vacation on my own (A naturally introverted, Solitary person this is impressive if I say so myself) Pushed through some pretty hard times like when my car cost me a grand and had to live off £200 for the whole month, and still managed not to miss a gym session even after a night shifts and no convenient way of getting back home and Still have a positive outlook on the situation..
So Why Do I keep Having These Periods of Negativity
Well there’s never one straight answer, otherwise problems would be easy to solve, I had to dive deep and find the origin of this negativity, The thought or scenario that lead to a thought that compounded.
S%!t where do I start.. 2018 has been a totally different year.
January I was supposed to starting marketing my business generating leads, I spent Christmas and New Years at work putting all the material together, Getting quotes ect But January had a different test for me.
Three Things happened on January 1st that defeated me. I’ll list them in least affect to the most crippling effect..
– The claim on our dogs insurance had been declined.. This was about £1500
– My wage slip showed that I had been underpaid by £1100 (This is what I had budgeted for marketing ect)
– We got served our Section 21 (Eviction Notice)
All in one day.. Within half an hour of reading the eviction notice me and my mum had argued you could cut the negative atmosphere with a knife and as we know thoughts compound. So as the next couple of weeks went by the atmosphere and mood states in the house got worse and Also I was contemplating whether to quit my job or not. Also having a grand less than I thought I had so cutting back on food and being hungry most of the month.
The worst part about this was I had no one to to talk to about this.. I was trying to avoid my family because it was too negative and I was trying to stay positive (Wasn’t happening but can’t blame a kid for trying) and my Personal Trainer/Friend was still in Ireland (A point we’ll come back to later)
February was a different kind of month, Someone I met on a three day Money Maker Intensive (MMI) Property Course had offered me an apartment to turn into a serviced apartment back in November said it’ll be available in March.. Since I had a bad start to the year and wanted a win so bad I said yes to this deal..
The problem the apartment isn’t in what we would call prime location so making a profit would of been a challenge each month.. I tried every scenario I could think of, Getting Quotes ect. The numbers just wasn’t working as February went on the more the expenses on this deal were racking up and the profit margin was dropping, The stress was compounding.
I didn’t know whether to keep the deal on and try and make it work at this risk of taking a loss.. a big loss if it didn’t work, or to tell the Landlord I couldn’t take the deal on – The problem with this is that I told him since November that I would take it, So he never marketed it when the tenant left.
I didn’t want to make him feel like I’ve cost him money or wasted his time..
I was torn. Do I try and make a success out of this or pull out of the deal. I wanted to do both, I wanted to keep the deal on and Make it work and have that success story. I also wanted to pull out of the deal so bad as gut instinct and the numbers on my spreadsheets were telling me its not going to work but I didn’t want to let the Landlord down, ruin a relationship and potentially piss him off.
While I was dealing with this and trying to make this deal work/ deciding whether to keep it or How I was going to Get out of it.. We was moving house, Two stressful situations compounding on each other
In the end after delaying and buying as much time as I could, I pulled out and the Landlord was fine about it, He was really cool and laid back about it actually.. Goes back to that saying
Get In Your Head – Your Dead – Tony Robbins
But by this point I was exhausted and going back to work, So my sleeping pattern was F*#ked. When I wasn’t working I was falling asleep at like anywhere between 2pm – 8pm and then waking up at 3am without fail. 3am sat alone trying to get back to sleep.. and then repeat. One day I actually slept the whole day, woke up at 10pm got a bite to eat and fell asleep again.
This was a new kind of low for me. It was like I had lost my sense of purpose and couldn’t find a reason to get out of bed. Then waking up at 3am, It’s dark and all you want to do is go back to sleep, but you can’t. My mind was over thinking, By the time I had to be up, I was ready for bed.
Between work and this fucked up sleep pattern I had hardly spoke to anyone at all apart from my coach which was for about 3 hours a week. I would sit at work (As I am now) Which I can only describe as paid solitary confinement, Sat alone in a little security cabin through the night.
I took this photo of me in the gym on Friday Morning 23/03/2018 I could hardly recognise myself, I looked in the mirror and saw a man at war with himself trying to figure out what was wrong with him self
Tracing back the origins of this negativity made me realise why I keep falling in and out of low mood states, Yes it’s partly due to stress from the start of the year, Partnered with being torn between taking on a deal or letting in go (Also stress) and lack of progress in my business and being let down when it comes to outsourcing some of the work (Another story.) But these Challenges are kinda fun and test you, Help you grow as a person.
What I’ve been experiencing lately is due to a totally knew feeling to me..
I never thought I’d experience the feeling of being Lonely.. Me?, I’ve always been one to keep to myself, I can quite happily sit in a cafe or restaurant and eat by myself. Go for walks or travel to London on my own to seminars.
In fact im naturally Introverted and fairly solitary person.
Ha!.. I went to Cyprus on my own because I love my own company
So how am I experiencing the feeling of Loneliness, Well This year I’ve obviously not had the easiest start and Launching a business is hard especially when no one really understands what it is that you do.
So even though I’ve been around family I’ve not really spoken about the struggles I’ve experienced so I Guess in a way I’ve isolated myself their.
Plus the past month as mentioned I’ve had the worse sleeping pattern ever/ Combined with working nights all alone in a little box and the only proper human contact is with My PT which is only for 3 hours a week sometimes more if we go for coffee to plan our business ventures.
I always feel uplifted after speaking to Coach (I guess he’s doing his Job right Ha! ;)) I always feel uplifting when I think about the future and business plans, But then I get home or drive to work and the reality is that I’m mostly alone.
I sleep during the day when my families up living their life and I wake up just in time to catch my mum before she goes to work or When Im off im trying to market and get leads for my business.
And I’m not (Although I like to think I am) Superhuman so I have many weakness which are holding me back so the business worlds pretty lonely too which can lead to a lot of self doubt and procrastination (Negative thoughts)
The Conclusion from this Is The Lone Wolf.. Needs a Pack,
(Does that sound cheesy, let me know ha)
But yeah while I don’t mind being alone, I have always liked small groups. I love spending time with my family and It would be nice to have a small social group to chill with and talk about irrelevant crap and have a laugh with.
Bout to get proper cheesy now (Get the toast) It would also be nice to have a future wifey (You know one of those adult relationships that adults have) Someone to go for a random walk with, Have some deep conversations with and just chill and binge watch netflix with.
While me and Coach have great chats (I Call them Fire chats) and go out for coffee and breakfast, it’s not all the time, as we’re both still trading time for money.
As stated before I have many weakness it would be nice for a business partner with different skill sets, Where we could thrive off each others ideas and grow the business faster than what I Can do on my own.
Me and Coach have our own separate business venture and he bought me in for my skill sets, We are always bouncing ideas off each other and with that the business will grow faster than what could be done on his own and will have played a part in that and that’s great.
Purpose & Vision
All downsides have an upside – You don’t see them at the time but they are there. What happened in January reinforced my purpose of making my family financially free so that we never have to worry about the bills being paid and being undercut by work.
My first business deal which I rejected made me realise (Although not at the time) and what I’ve been feeling of late is that I need a business partner. All that stress could of been relieved if I had someone to analyse the deal with and make a decision together.
If your feeling down,
Trace the origin of the thoughts – Like I mean get deep.
Question the thoughts, Question How you were feeling in that moment, Question How You feel Now.
After all Isn’t a thought Just a Question you’re asking yourself.
Change the questions you ask yourself. You ask a question you get an Answer right?
Once you’ve established the origin of your negativity, You can ask How can you turn it around.
For me in short it was ‘Why do I keep feeling this way’
Answer ‘Im feeling lonely’
‘How can I turn this around’
Answer – ‘Find a business partner, grow faster, get out of the job, have more time with family and friends’
I hope this helps you in some way shape or form.