Why I went Travelling Alone,
I’ve always been the quiet dude, You know the type, The dude that seem’s socially awkward, Like’s to be sat on his on his own or in small groups,
Yeah that’s me & I love it, You see I’ve always been an introvert Back in nursery I didn’t even say yes when my name was called out at the register I would Just nod my head,
I Embrace the fact I’m an introvert but I didn’t always
As I got older and social conversion was be popular or your a loser (Yeah high school) forced me to come out of my introverted way’s I would try and fit in with groups of people I didn’t really like. I was Scared of not fitting in
This is an example of how fears can be ingrained in us so easily School ingrained the Fear into me about being alone – I don’t actually have this Fear anymore but it’s a good example.
In school if you didn’t have any friends you were a loser, Billy no mates right so I developed the Fear of having no friends or being alone and if I didn’t hang out I would lose these friends. Which lead to the Fear of not being liked and the Fear of other people’s opinions of me. So I would act out in class and untuck my shirt and try to impress people who I didn’t really like, You know the cool group.
It’s amazing how some Fear’s can affect us subconsciously in our day to day live’s.
Keeping the Example of Not being liked or being alone, even up to a couple of year’s ago I would avoid some simple stuff like nipping into town on my own or I would use the drive through instead of sitting in McD’s just because I thought people would think I’m a Loser.
Bit Sad Right?
But I think it’s a fear many other’s have how many times have you avoided doing something because of what other people might say.
That Idea you had but you kept it to yourself just in case someone didn’t like it or said it was a terrible idea,
Worried about wearing a certain outfit because you hear people commenting on what people are wearing all the time..
The Fear of being rejected – Shit I went Broke because of that read about that HERE
That one person your crushing on but you wont do anything because they might reject you or tell their friends.
I Have, So many times.
Truth be told Fear is a good thing, it stops us from doing stupid sh*t it helps keep us alive & in life and death situations gives us that edge to stay alive,
You know the fight, flight or Freeze response.
It heightens your sense’s gives you adrenaline and makes you more aware of your surrounding’s.
At the same time Fear stops us from Truly Living, Stops us from taking those life changing chance’s and keeps us in the trap of the Rat Race
(I worked 60-80 Hour weeks every week for like a year because I was scared to say no in case I lost my hours) – True story I neglected my life of the fear of going broke again.
Were did it get me – Single, Stressed, Over Worked & Burnout, Oh and still not rich – Nice one.
How to Conquer Fear
We probably do this sometimes without knowing were doing it (I got the Fear P.R idea from Jade Teta) but Think of it as Fear P.R
What is Fear P.R
Well P.R Stands for Personal Record.
Like a Personal Record in the Gym its scary and unknown, You’ve never lifted that amount of weight before you don’t know what it feels like, you could get hurt but you attempt it anyway.. It feels great and rewarding when you hit it and you can move forward onto the next target.
Just like the gym P.R you wouldn’t hit your fear head on, like the gym you build up to it, You start small and build up.
It could be anything, Like I said I was always worried about peoples opinions of me & being left alone (even though I love being solitary) I didn’t want to be laughed at or people to say stuff about me, even though I didn’t know or like them. I also lack confidence when it comes to conversation which also hold me back when it comes to stuff like phone call’s or being around people I don’t know and communicating with them.
Now this doesn’t bother me when it comes to the average Joe or Janette because the chances are their talk utter sh*t about keeping up with the whatever their names are, moaning about their job or talking about how they can’t wait for the weekend because they ultimately hate their life & that’s all they look forward to.
But I do need to get over the Confidence/ Opinions barrier because I can’t move forward with my goals if I worried about what someone will say or reject my idea or pitch – Because it’s going to happen whether I like it or not.
So I started setting Fear P.R’s
I started out simple nipping into town on my own buying something and coming back (sounds simple I know but I used to have a funny waddle in my walk and people took the piss out of it high school, Yeah I was paranoid as hell about it) So walking around a busy town centre on my own was a a decent step.
The next P.R would be going into town and sitting in a cafe on my own.
P.R 3 would be sitting in the cafe and not hiding behind my phone.
I actually love going into cafes on my own now it’s funny the look you get when you ask or a table for one.
I would then step up and go to the Blackpool away games on my own (I went to Plymouth, Arsenal and Wolves I think)
I decided to ultimately conquer the fear this year and put my self into an introverts worse nightmare and Travelled to Pathos for a week on my own..
I booked on to small group day trips in a jeep so I would have to engage in conversation & My hotel was self catering so I had to eat out.
My first night I had a mini panic attack, I got to my hotel room and was like oh shit what the hell am I doing here, and started pacing around trying to avoid the fact I had to leave to get some food. All my fears hit me and I couldn’t run home I had to face them.
So like a gym P.R I didn’t just walk in and hit the max weight then go home no I warmed up first.
I went to the hotel bar first had a drink and a bite to eat their then went to bed.
The second day had lunch in a quiet cafe and drank at the bar.
Day three I was settling in again and was out on the day trip, the majority was french but their was an american women their so talked to her the most of it, Eating lunch on a table with a bunch of french people and an american wear all the food was placed on a table and you had to pass the plates around was interesting though.
That night instead of the hotel Bar I would go to an actual bar and restaurant to eat, As the days went by I wouldn’t even think about people would say I just did it.
My final day though I did almost kill myself – Got extra confident and jump on a quad bike day trip – Yeah crashed twice .
I guess Quad biking will have to be my next Fear Challenge.
What’s Your Fear? What’s Holding You Back? How Can You Overcome It?
Think about it what area of life is your Fear Holding you back
Health – scared of going to the gym (I was scared of getting back into it, it took me three months to message my coach to see if he could train me, That Rejection Fear again)
Wealth – Scared of going for that promotion or starting your business
Relationships – Scared of asking the dude or dudette out you’ve been crushing on, or even scared of talking to them
Just some examples their but were all human we all have fears just don’t let them control your life, I’ll leave you with this quote from Steve Job’s